How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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