I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
