Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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