I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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