i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
