I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
