Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
