Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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