I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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