the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize