I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
