im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
