She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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