I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
