lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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