How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I smell stomach acid.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
