eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
