He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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