I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
