it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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