if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
