8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
