She's JV to your varsity
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
