She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize