I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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