craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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