I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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