My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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