she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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