she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We have started to decorate penises.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
COCAINE IS GR8
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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