He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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