Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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