and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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