In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
