1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
