she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
