Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
