the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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