The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize