i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
