How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
