I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
