if i can run in heels then i can drive
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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