And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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