we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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