Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
