Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
