but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
