It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
look no pants
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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