belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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