I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i came on her dog
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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