he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
