my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
