The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
