i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
