Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
