I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
