Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
