I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
