it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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