Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
