ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
