What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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