it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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