one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
