At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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