Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
