Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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