if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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