I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
