i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
