how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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