Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
