yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
