So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
