I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
