We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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