remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
