i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
