shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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