Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
