fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize