i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
