this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
