It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
