well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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