Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
