Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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