I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
