Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize