I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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