At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
