Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize