Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize